When I was a kid, if I couldn’t sleep, my parents would tell me to count sheep. I’d lay in bed and picture two lush green fields. The fields were separated by a tall hedge and just in the gap between the hedges there was a little wooden gate. I was on one side of the gate and on the other was a large flock of sheep, just waiting. Waiting to jump over the gate, one by one counting me off into the land of nod. But therein was the problem. They would NOT jump over one by one.
Every single time I tried this exercise it would become stressful because the sheep just wouldn’t do what I wanted them to do. Even though I was the one who was imagining them. How was that even possible? As I lay in bed trying to impose some kind of order the sheep would start jumping over in groups. They’d be jumping in two’s and three’s and it would be impossible to count them. Instead of feeling relaxed and drifting off into a sound night’s sleep I’d be lying there, the creator of this carnage wondering if I shouldn’t be bringing an imaginary sheepdog into the situation.
I couldn’t slow my sheep down when I was 8 years old and very often I can’t do it now as a 44 year old. When I was a child it was sheep, as an adult it’s thoughts, ideas, interrupting when people are speaking, not listening, tuning out when people are talking, remembering things, life admin, dentists appointments, posting letters etc.
The sheep situation taught me an important lesson
When your brain works differently, what works for everyone else won’t necessarily work for you. It’s been a lifelong battle trying to slow down my thoughts long enough to feel like I could put them in order. Being self employed has been a gift. It’s given me personal development in spades but what’s made the biggest difference is the level of self awareness. The understanding of who I am and how I work best. That I’m not broken, or rude or impatient. That I was never lazy or incapable in my jobs, they just weren’t set up to accommodate my differences. I’ve learned that my differences aren’t problems or character flaws, it’s just the way my brain works. And best of all, I get to design a business that is set up for my success.
It’s an inside job
Trying to force your brain to stay on tracks that weren’t designed for your wheels is dangerous. 4 years of running my own business has shown me that. You end up comparing yourself to others. Wondering why you can’t seem to do the things that they make look easy. Wondering why your business isn’t making as much progress or as much money. Thinking that the next system, app, workshop, challenge or course is going to be the one thing that finally helps you do what everyone else has already mastered. It’s a downward spiral from here. You do the thing and it doesn’t work (it was never going to) and you come out the other side feeling an even bigger failure because yet again you weren’t able to make it work. This can go on indefinitely.
I am not criticising courses, workshops, apps or challenges. I design and sell my own programmes and workshops and happen to know that they are very effective. I am always learning from people who know more than I do, have achieved more than I have and have grown their business to a size or scale that I would like to get my own business to. No, what I am suggesting is that you stop looking for the answer outside of yourself. Stop looking for someone else to give you the key to your lock. You already have it. Courses, workshops, apps and challenges are not THE answer, they are part of your journey. The search for a silver bullet does a disservice to the professionals you work with and keeps you locked in your cycle of not being good enough. It is not someone else’s job to fix you or fix your business.
Not my sheep, not my problem
Back to the sheep – 40 years later the penny has dropped. The sheep wouldn’t jump over the gate one at a time not because my brain is broken or inadequate but because I was using the wrong tool. Not my sheep, not my gate. Instead of trying to force your brain to work in ways it’s just not designed for why not create your own ways?
Some of things I typically struggle with;
- Organising my thoughts into themes for my content
- Social Media schedulers
- Shiny objects/ multiple offers
- Consistency/ habits
- Content storage and planning
- Planning my time
This blog is about finding ways that work for you rather than trying to force your brain to work in ways it’s not designed for and then feeling not good enough. In simple terms if you couldn’t get a round brick into a square hole you wouldn’t shout at the brick for being round or look at other square holes hoping to find one the round brick would fit in. You’d find a round hole that fits. Or better still, you’d create your own bespoke hole. Design your own ways. Come up with your own strategies. Create your own processes. If you can’t find tracks that fit your wheels, build your own tracks and use them to blaze your trail. Stop waiting for someone else to create the fit for you. Stop looking to others to give you acceptance or permission to fit. You don’t need permission to be you, you have it.
You do you (who else are going to do?)
I have always had a busy mind. There have been times when I’ve felt like my thoughts and my emotions were completely out of my control and most of all I’ve wondered if anyone else was like this or if it was just me who couldn’t control my metaphorical sheep. As I edge ever closer to an ADHD diagnosis I realise that I’m not on my own and I’m not the only one. And whether I have ADHD or not, it’s okay to be me. This is who I am and this is how my brain works. It’s down to me to build my own path, with my own bricks.
Part of my job as a coach and mentor is to help my clients accept who they are. If you want to create content that sells your services convincingly and confidently first you’ve to be okay with who you are. You have to believe, to know with absolute certainty that you can help your clients. If you don’t feel good enough it will interfere with your messaging. It will leak into your content. You don’t have to have the confidence of Musk, Trump or West. You have to have the confidence of you. Doubt doesn’t sell. But you can.
Who am I and why should you listen to me?
I’m Clair Stevenson and I teach business owners how to become their own marketing department. Knowing what to say, where to say and how to say it, I work with coaches, consultants and service based businesses to attract more of the right kind of clients into their business.
I work with business owners to help you figure out what to say and how to say it through social media, blogging, website content and email marketing. I know the challenges facing business owners who often wear many hats. My mission is to work alongside you to improve both your skills and your confidence when it comes to writing your marketing material. My sense of humour means my teaching style is both unique and fun. Belly laughs are guaranteed because business doesn’t need to be boring. Life is serious enough.
If you want to know how you can work with me send me an email at clair@upwriteonline.co.uk I’d love to hear from you.