Fact; Men are better at bullshitting
I found a piece of research brilliantly titled “Bullshitters. Who Are They and What Do We Know about Their Lives?” I know I’m one for a laugh but I’m not making this up. Here’s the link to the research if you’d like to read it for yourself. Long story short, it’s research from 2019 undertaken in an attempt to find out who is more likely to bullshit and how these people view their abilities and social status.
I hope you’re sitting down…………..it’s not Rebekah Vardy
The biggest bullshitters are young men. *insert Eastenders end credits theme*
Bullshitting, as it pertains to this piece of research, is defined as “overconfidence” when a person overstates their knowledge, experience or ability.
The researchers wrote “Our findings support the view that young men are, on average, bigger bullshitters than young women. A list of 16 items was then given to students, who were asked to indicate their knowledge of that particular mathematics concept on a five-point scale (ranging from ‘never heard of it’ to ‘know it well, understand the concept’). Critically, three of these 16 constructs (items 4, 10 and 12) are fake; students are asked about their familiarity with some mathematics concepts that do not exist”
I tried this on my husband last night; sure enough, he’d heard of them all—even the fake ones, apparently. This demonstrates what the research shows: that male overconfidence continues to carry from adolescence into adulthood. So why does this happen to boys and not girls? Patriarchy anyone?
In her Ted Talk “How To Close The Authority Gap” Mary Ann Seighart discusses women and confidence
“We are socialised to be less confident and less self-promoting than men and if we act confidently people often don’t like it. They start calling us words like strident or pushy. Don’t mistake confidence for competence.”
Essentially, men are socialised to be confident and blag it, whereas women are conditioned not to take risks, avoid making mistakes, be modest and not be too loud or outspoken. As a consequence, we often downplay our achievements and avoid sticking our heads above the parapet. It’s frustrating but not surprising.
Tall Poppy Syndrome
Have you ever heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome? Tall Poppy Syndrome is when someone is resented, ostracised, criticised or cut down because of their achievements and success. The tallest Poppy is “cut down”. Research from Women of Influence+ found that in 2023, the problem persists, and it is particularly problematic for women. According to the research, 87% of the women who took part had experienced being the tallest poppy at work. The research also showed that women who are successful are being bullied and belittled, challenged on their successes, and made to feel as though it’s not their place to take up so much space.
And it’s not just the men doing it. The same study suggests that although we think it’s women cutting down other women because of their success and ambitions it’s men in leadership positions that are more likely to penalise or undermine women due to their success. Women, on the other hand, are cutting down their peers or colleagues.
This doesn’t just happen in workspaces, it happens online and in business too. In my 6 years of running a business and working online, I’ve witnessed women being relentlessly trolled, harassed and gossiped about. Some of these women have quit their businesses altogether, and others have simply downgraded their goals and aspirations so they don’t stand out and become targets.
What does this mean for us as female entrepreneurs?
Self-promotion is hard, especially for women. You’ve probably been taught that talking about yourself too much is off-putting. That telling people you’re good at what you do is “tooting your own horn” and unattractive. Nobody likes a “bragger”. And for women who are brown or black, there’s a whole other level of silencing. How the heck are you going to promote a business if you’ve been conditioned not to talk about yourself, not to brag and not to tell people how good you are at what you do?
Understanding why it’s hard is the first step. There’s nothing wrong with you. We live in a patriarchy, and this is how women have been conditioned. But understanding doesn’t mean acceptance. We can accept that some societal systems are too big for us to change, and they won’t change overnight, but we can change.
We can change the way we think, feel and act.
Tip 1 Start today
If the Bullshitter research showed us anything, it’s that just because someone is confident doesn’t mean they’re competent. I saw a post recently written by Yinka Ewuola “You don’t need a better product to raise your price. Someone has a worse product than yours and is out there charging more. Like right now” Yinka later posted “You don’t need another certification to raise your prices. No-one is buying your certificates”. I’m all for learning and development, but not if it stops me from making money. What I have, who I am and what I know today is good enough. And today is when I’m selling.
Tip 2 It’s not about you
In order to acquire clients, you need to market. Potential clients have a problem they’d like to solve or a long-wished-for goal or dream. They can’t solve the problem or fulfil the goal on their own because they lack the motivation, knowledge, or skills to do it alone. So, they look for a trusted advisor or expert to guide them to their solution or goal.
The key here is that the client is looking for two things – someone who knows more than they do and someone they can trust. That’s what your marketing is for; to demonstrate your ability and that you are a safe pair of hands.
Marketing has a vital function in your business for both you and the potential clients and at no point is that function about ego or vanity. Marketing is as essential to your business as paying the tax man.
Tip 3 Build your own authority
Stop waiting for someone to come along and give you expert status. You don’t need to tell everyone absolutely everything you know to demonstrate your expertise. That would be overwhelming and confusing, and to be honest, people aren’t that interested. They want to know, “How can you help me solve MY problem?”. Start by talking about the problems you’ve solved and the outcomes you’ve helped bring about. And remember you don’t need to solve all the problems – be specific about what you do and who you do it for.
Tip 4 Share your recommendations and reviews with purpose
Sharing recommendations can build trust and show your audience what kind of results you can help them achieve. But not if you post them with “I was so happy when Barbara left me this review” Good for you. So what? How does that help your potential client?
Get specific; What exactly did Barbara like about your service? What was Barbara’s problem to begin with? What is Barbara’s life like now you’ve solved the problem? How you share your reviews and recommendations can make the difference between someone buying or not buying.
Tip 5 Not everyone is going to like you, be okay with it
Other people’s opinions are not your concern – easier said than done. Especially if you’re a sensitive soul or a neurodivergent crippled by RSD. But honestly, this is one of the areas of my mindset that has transformed my ability to do business. I know I’m promoting my business because I want to take my kid to Legoland. I enjoy living inside a house, eating food, and taking my family on holidays.
Do I need Doreen down the road to be okay with that? Not unless she’s starting a GoFundMe to pay for all that and I can sit back and watch Netflix all day. If it’s down to me to find the money for those things, I’m going to crack on with marketing my business. My headstone is not going to read “Clair died wishing she cared more about what strangers on the internet thought of her” It’s more likely to read “those tits tho”.
Tip 6 Support other women
If you find marketing and self-promotion hard, you’re not the only one. Support other women and be a champion for their businesses. Trust me, there are enough clients to go around. Share their posts, recommend them, leave recommendations and reviews and be the person who says lovely things about them when they’re not in the room. And if you found yourself gossiping about another female entrepreneur, ask yourself, “Would I think this or be saying this if it was a man?”.
I’m Clair Stevenson, a copywriter and writing coach for women who want to improve their communication skills about their businesses. I work with amazing women who want successful businesses but struggle to find the right words. If you’re a coach, consultant, or freelancer who wants to write brilliant content that attracts your dream clients, email me at clair@upwriteonline.co.uk and tell me what you’re currently working on in your business.