I’ve been away on a retreat this week and I’ve had a lot of time to think.
I’ve been thinking about fear, storytelling and business.
I was reminded how fear and storytelling play such huge roles in our lives.
I travelled to Mid Wales on Tuesday to spend three days in a lodge with people I didn’t know, doing activities I knew would push me outside my comfort zone. The retreat was organised by a CIC who supports veterans and their families.
On the drive to mid-wales I started telling myself stories. Here’s how they went “You’ll be the odd one out. You’ll be the only non-veteran there. Everyone else will be veterans and they will wonder why you are there. You don’t deserve this space. They will all be fitter than you and you will make a fool of yourself trying to attempt the outdoor activities. You’ll wish you had stayed at home”
It’s not a nice story is it? I clenched my teeth the whole way there and gave myself a headache.
I wasn’t the only non-veteran, I was deserving of the space and there was no requirement “to keep up” with anyone.
We were welcomed, fed, looked after and invited to relax and be ourselves.
And then I saw how stories played a different role in my experience. As we began to get to know each other, people started telling stories. They shared their backgrounds, where they had served and the people they’d served with. We shared life experiences and told stories about people we had met and places we’d been. I met someone I hadn’t seen for over 15 years and we remembered the time we met Rolf Harris In Cyfarthfa Castle (before he went to jail) and shared that story with the rest of the group.
On the second day we went for a long walk and I chatted with a lady I hadn’t met before. She told me about an experience she’d had with a partner and it was something I had experienced in one of my own relationships and when she shared her story I felt normal. I heard it and thought “wow, here is someone like me, maybe I’m not a massive weirdo after all”. It was a relief to hear someone had been through the same thing I had. That there was someone else who “got it”.
Our stories broke down barriers and brought us closer together. I felt accepted and like I was in exactly the right place with the right people.
We use storytelling every day. Stories are so powerful. Sometimes they help us but sometimes we conjure up imaginary monsters and fears that prevent us from moving forward and fulfilling our potential.
Our stories can work for us or against us.
I was listening to Ryan Holiday’s “Courage Is Calling” when I was driving home from the retreat and something he wrote struck a chord with me. I don’t remember the exact phrase but the gist of it was, what is in front of us is enough. We don’t have to add anything to it.
Imagine if Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram were places we just showed up and shared. Just social media platforms where we share our thoughts and ideas.
I notice that we make them more than that. We make them places where people are waiting to tear us down, criticise, judge, mock or troll us. We overthink what we say, second guess ourselves, dilute our messages and water ourselves down to avoid the judgement of others.
What if what was in front of us was enough? What if we took social media at its most basic function, an online platform where we can share our thoughts and ideas with thousands of other like-minded people?
Would we say more, do more, share more? Would we achieve more? Collaborate more? Create more?
I think we would.
Not telling myself stories and catastrophizing is definitely a skill I’m going to start working on.
I wonder what we would achieve if we shared more of our stories and told ourselves less scary ones.
I’m going to find out. Do you want to join me? Email me at clair@upwriteonline.co.uk I’d love to hear your story.