Navigating peoples opinions online

(How people’s opinions can stop you from being visible and what you can do about it)

Ever gone to post on social media but hesitated? What if someone disagrees? Or takes it the wrong way? Or points out a mistake? What if people think you’re not qualified, or you say something wrong and look stupid? Surely it’s better to stay quiet than look like an idiot or risk an internet pile on.  Remember the bit at the beginning of the Shrek movie where the villagers gang together with the torches and pitchforks ready to vanquish the ogre? Social media can be a bit like that, but instead of torches and pitchforks people have words and keyboards.  

I totally get why you want to avoid that happening to you, it’s a scary prospect and you don’t want to be called out or embarrassed in public. And while your fears are totally valid you also need to be visible if you want clients.  You can’t be a secret and a success.  You have to tell people about your business if you want them to know about it.  

So how do you navigate people’s opinions online and how can you make sure your business is getting the attention it needs without being cancelled, called out or torn down by keyboard warriors? 

Get clear on who you’re for and what you do 

I started my business so I wouldn’t have to work for someone else. I looked around online and saw other people were “passionate” about this and that, “fulfilling their true purpose” . They were busy being “soul led” or “heart led” whereas I was mostly “bills led”.  I needed to pay my rent and my bills and I was passionate about not being homeless or hungry. The more people I worked with the clearer I got on what it was (beyond earning money) that I loved about my business.  And what I had hated about being employed.  

I knew I wanted to work in partnership with my clients.  That I wanted to work with people helpers, coaches, consultants, people who help other people learn and grow.  I wanted to work with people who lifted other people up.  That was the work that lifted me.  

• Who is your ideal client? 
• What do they wish they do/be/have? 
• What do your ideal clients have in common in terms of values, beliefs and behaviours? 
• Who are you not for? What do they have in common in terms of values, beliefs and behaviours? 
• How would you know if someone wasn’t a good fit for you? 

When you know what you want to do and who you want to do it with, you start to develop roots.  Those roots anchor you into your business and then when you come up against people who try to push you over or blow you down, they can’t.  Your roots are too strong. Certainty will boost your confidence.  

Opinions are like ar**holes, everyone’s got one (that doesn’t mean you want to see them all)

Everyone’s got an opinion. On everything.  From how that woman who works in Sainsburys does her lip liner to whether or not Donald Trump is a lunatic or a great president.  It’s human to observe and judge. But here’s the thing, opinions aren’t facts.  Opinions are preferences or beliefs.  My Dad loves sprouts.  I think they’re vile.  Which one of us is right? Both of us? Neither of us? Should I eat sprouts just because he loves them? Will he stop because I think they’re green devil balls? What if I let him love sprouts and he doesn’t try to force me to eat them? If someone disagrees with your perspective, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re wrong, just that on this particular topic you think differently.  

If someone disagrees with you try asking yourself the following questions; 

• Is this person giving me new information? 
• Does their perspective hold any truth for me? 
• Do I stand by/still believe the assertions I have made? 

It’s okay to change your mind if someone tells you something you didn’t know before.  It is also okay to stick with your original opinion.  When someone disagrees with me now, if I stand by what I’ve said I simply say something like “thank you for adding your thoughts”. 

Writing marketing content for your coaching business will help people decide whether or not you’re the right coach for them.  Sharing your opinions, the values you have around the work you do and why you work in the way you do helps people to make that decision.

Break the feedback loop 

Posting thoughts, ideas and opinions anywhere online is brave.  It can take a while to work up the courage to promote your business on social media so first of all, congratulations for even considering it.  Whilst I’m the first to admit that I thrive off positive feedback, I have also learned how to be okay with deafening silence on social media. 

Get clear on your zone of control – you control your thoughts, your beliefs and your actions.  We can’t control the thoughts, actions or beliefs of anyone else.  I could write a deeply profound piece of content and get crickets on it.  Not because it wasn’t well written, moving or valuable – simply because the person reading didn’t have the time or inclination to tap on the reaction button.  Don’t let the lack of a little thumb or heart emoji determine your self worth.  

When you’re thinking about the response (or lack of) to your content check in with yourself; 

• What am I making this mean?
• Do I have the power to control this? 
• Is the content I am sharing relevant to my ideal client? 

The important thing is to show up and share. Your job is to make it easy for people to find out about your business. 

Trust your expertise 

Back in 2018 I read “Get Rich Lucky Bitch” by Denise Duffield Thomas. She says “I’m a contributor, not a guru. As soon as I gave myself permission to contribute to the conversation of women and money, and not have to be a guru or expert, then my business became fun. 

If you really care about a topic, be a contributor. Who cares if you don’t know everything. You don’t have to be the best to make a difference to someone.” Read more from Denise here

Take the pressure off yourself to know everything.  It’s okay to share what you know today. 

If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to be an expert you’ll be waiting forever.  You’ve done the training, the research, the reading and the qualifications, you have enough RIGHT now. 

Curate your space 

Remember, you get to choose who is in your network, both online and offline.   If someone breaches your peace or makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, use the unfollow, block and delete buttons. I don’t block people who don’t share my opinions, I want to be part of a community where my perspective is challenged and I’m constantly learning but I will shut out people who are aggressive towards me or others. 

Respond don’t react 

I worked with a coach who told me “You don’t have to go to every fight you’re invited to” those words are still ringing in my ears to this day. If you feel that someone has been rude, belittling or aggressive you get to choose what you do next.  

As an ADHD person my experience is that I can sometimes ( a lot of times) perceive negativity when there isn’t any.  I interpret comments as criticism that are often just differing opinions. Previously this has made me feel anxious.  Now that I know this about myself I’m more aware of it.  It also means I can plan how I’m going to respond.  Instead of diving into an argument with an angry or defensive response, or dismissing the person completely I ask myself; 

• What am I making this mean? 
• What is the story I am telling myself?
• Am I making this comment about me? 
• Is there another way this comment could be interpreted? 

 

I’ve also stopped getting into online arguments as I don’t like the way it makes me feel.  They give me an anxiety hangover. If someone offers an opinion in a respectful way, I often just thank them for contributing to the discussion.  

You don’t owe anyone a reaction or response, but the algorithm likes it when you engage.  Decide what’s worth your time and energy and skip what doesn’t serve you.

Keep your eyes on the prize 

Social media marketing is a means to an end not the be all and end all of your business.  I have a wonderful community and network online and I’ve seen some shocking behaviour. Ultimately I’m there to do a job and that job is to make sure people know how they can work with me. 

Opinions are great but they don’t pay the bills.  You can’t buy your weekly food shop with approval, likes or comments.  You need cash.  And cash only comes in when people know what you are offering and decide whether they want or need it. 

Try not to get sidetracked or blown off course by what other people think of you or your business, they’re not the ones keeping a roof over your head – that’s your job. And you can only do that job by showing up. 

You could try asking yourself 

• What is this content for?
• Who is this content for? 
• How do I know if my content is working? 

 

Finally I want to leave you with this; it takes courage to start a business.  It takes courage to put yourself out there without a big company to stand behind.  Not everyone is doing it because not everyone CAN do it.  And it is hard.  Everytime you post an idea, a thought, an offer or an opinion you’re casting a vote.  A vote for yourself and for your dreams. And if you’re navigating opinions, be really picky about which opinions you’re paying attention to.  Not all opinions are equal.  Are the people passing comments doing what you’re doing? Are they being brave and bold? It’s easy to pass judgement from the sidelines, it’s not so easy to get in the arena and do the work. 

Brene says it better than I do…….Brene Brown – the man in the arena